To The Tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies"...

Come listen to a story 'bout a man named Jake,
Hot Texas native, sure knew how to fly a plane,
Then one day, Jillian asked him to her show,
But after all was said and done, he didn't get the final rose.

(Boutonniere, that is, For Prom kings...and Bachelors)

Well, first thing you know, ol' Jake's the one in charge.
With 25 ladies who all vowed to win his heart.
After just two weeks, he'd sent 13 of 'em home,
In hopes of weeding out the one he'd eventually call his own.

(Wife that is, mortgages, credit cards.)

Well, next thing you know, week 3 has come and gone,
And "crazy" is showing up in nearly everyone.
With all of the tears the girls shed right on cue...
Not a one of 'em was crying when Michelle bid adieu...

(To Jake that is, called her bluff, let her leave.)

Michelle's not the only girl who had to leave this week,
Elizabeth, sent packing, because she was such a tease.
While some thought Vienna should not have won a rose,
Valishia, (Who's that?) was the one that he sent home.

(Mystery girl... Was she there? Noone knows.)

Now if any are like me, and were tuning in this week,
To hear Tenley say that her EPT turned pink...
Well, then you were in for a little shockeroo,
Cause not a word was mentioned, and we're left to sit and stew.

(Over the drama that is, audio tricks, editing.)

If you're all like me, you'll be tuning in next week,
Because it's like a train wreck, and you just can't help but peek.
I just can't stand the suspense until I know...
If it will be Ali who will win the final rose.

Y'all come back now, ya hear!