Tuesday, January 12, 2010

And Then There Were 12.

Okay, it's that time again! That's right, It's Monday night/Tuesday morning which means it is time for BACHELOR UPDATE! In honor of the fact that there are only 12 ladies left, please follow me on a journey to discover 12 products or companies that should, would, or could benefit from the women who were featured in tonight's episode:

#1 Thrifty Van Rentals: After all, if they are going to send every girl that does something inappropriate on the show home in a van...they'll make a killing!

#2 Bikini Waxing Services: They're not just for swimwear anymore! No, as Rozlyn clearly demonstrated, you also need them for photo shoots where you inappropriately put your hooha on display.

#3 Disco Ball dress designers: Rozlyn rocked one at the "most dramatic rose ceremony ever" leading women everywhere to lust after their very own dress and party decoration in one!

#4 Water balloon manufacturers: Once all the adolecent girls catch a glimpse of all the silicone bouncing around on the bachelorettes, they will surely be using these to stuff their bras, and give the same bouyancy.

#5 Podiatrists: Just looking at the high heals some of the women were wearing and ACTUALLY WALKING IN, made an uncoordinated simpleton such as myself feel a bit unsteady. Doctors everywhere will thank the show for inspiring women everywhere to do serious damage to their feet.

#6 Kleenex Tissues: For cryin' out loud (ha ha, I'm punny)! Michelle went through a whole box right after she found out she wasn't getting a date with Jake! If only they would invent a "side by side" pack, so that Michelle and Christina could sit side by side during their ugly cry pity parties...now THAT would be something!

#7 The makers of "Antabuse" : After seeing herself on this episode, Christina may come to the same conclusion that many of the viewers have...some people just shouldn't consume alcohol...EVER. Of course, in my opinion, she's not the only one that drinks too much on this show...so they all could really benefit from this medication, making stock prices SOAR!


#8 Cosmetic companies: Some people just shouldn't leave home without their makeup on...EVER. I'm not sure about anyone else, but there was one girl that I almost didn't recognize when she was not wearing makeup. Not to name any names, but Vienna-sweetie, you weren't born with it...you need Maybeline.


#9 LipSmacker's Lip Balm: I bet if Elizabeth had been wearing Dr. Pepper Lip balm, Jake would not have been able to resist kissing her (he IS from Texas, after all), even though she told him not to!

#10: Ray-Ban Sunglasses: Had Ashley been wearing them, maybe Jake wouldn't have been freaked out by her bug eye expressions. Was I the only one that noticed, and thought she looked a tad on the CRAZY side? Yeah? Okay, never mind then...


#11: Lithium: Clearly the only way Michelle was able to control her impulses to stab someone's eye out with anything from a toothpick to a stiletto heal, when her one on one time with Jake was interrupted...CRAZY!!!


#12: Barnes and Noble: More specifically, their "Self Help" section. I think there is more than one woman either still on the show, or who had been sent home "broken hearted" that could stand to be reminded that she is a rare flower, in a garden filled with weeds...er somethin'.


There you have it! My phycho girl of the week is:



ASHLEY!

Sorry, you're super cute, just kinda freaked me out.

1 comment:

CJ Sime said...

We don't get get the channel that has the Bachelor so this comment has NOTHING to do with your post. :o) sorry about that

i am finally getting around to replying to comments, sorry for the delay!

I appreciate your validation. I guess clean is clean and there are a number of reasons I might be in a robe. Perhaps I am ready to seduce him? Sure the robe isnt attractive but maybe it is the thought that counts?

you noticed your relief society arms when you were practicing your homemaking skills?! Ha! That is classic. That is a good reason not to fold sheets if you ask me.

coupons. heck yes I will tutor you. in fact I tutor lots of people and would love to! send me an email and we can get started on it.

cjsime007 at gmail dot com