Friday, January 29, 2010

Friggin' Soup!

TGIF!!! You know what that's F bomb Friday, hosted by MiMi over at Living in France. It's really a fun challenge. In fact, last week, I commented on someone's entry that I too, found myself looking for moments that would qualify for this exercise, and what do you know...ask and you shall receive.
Last Friday was a fairly laid back day. Since we do our grocery shopping on Saturday, we only had one thing left on our menu of meals to prepare. It was a "hearty lentil and ham soup". Got great reviews, and the recipe can be found here. Normally, I get really excited about making and eating soup in the wintertime, regardless of the fact that my children usually treat it as if I'm trying to feed them 'bubonic plague in a bowl". Today, however, since it was an unseasonably warm day outside (in the 70's) I was not excited about eating soup for dinner. Regardless, I decided I would be the good homemaker (just saying that makes me laugh...I know better than to say I'm a good homemaker) and make the soup anyway. I found the recipe, and was gathering the ingredients necessary, when I thought I had found my out. Singing the "Halelujah Chorus" in my head, I dialed my husband at work...
Roon: "Hello"
Me: "Hey, did you happen to grab any cinnamon sticks at the store? I didn't remember seeing any, and I was just wondering where you might have put them."
Roon: "No...was I supposed to?"
Me: "Well, the lentil soup calls for a cinnamon stick. I thought you would have put it on the list."
Roon: "I didn't. Does the soup really need it?"
Me: (Getting really irritated that my husband is not taking the bait, I try harder.) "I don't know if it really needs it, but since we've never tried this recipe before, I hesitate to make it without all the ingredients. It wouldn't be fair to the soup if we hate it because we didn't make it right, would it?"
Roon: "I don't think it needs it. Make it without it."
(I'm thinking: What a CHEAPSKATE! but I calmly say I will, and hang up the phone.)
I go into the kitchen, pull up Google on the laptop, and search for alternatives to a cinnamon stick. I find my answer, and proceed to make my soup.
Hambone (check!) Into the pot...
Lentils picked over and rinsed, whatever that means, (check!) Into the pot...
Mushrooms, looking kind of sad (check!) Into the pot...
Onions. Where the frick are the onions?! We have got to have more than one onion in this house. (By this point I am livid, and dial the phone again.)
Roon: "Hello."
Me: "Did you put the onions away where they're not supposed to go?"
Roon: "I didn't buy any onions. Did we need some?"
Me: (Did he even READ this recipe?!) "Yes we did, but we have one, so I'll just make it work"
If you read the recipe, you will see that it calls for 3 whole onions...I had 1.
Back to the kitchen to chop my onion(s) and other ingredients that need chopping...
Celery (how old is this? Oh well, not so crisp, but not totally rotten yet. Why didn't I see Vivienne's tip on keeping celery fresh earlier?!)
Carrots (Friggin' A, where the he** are my carrots?! Dang you Roon the Rabbit! Guess 1/3 of a cup will have to do)
Chop chop chop...Wait! Half this onion is rotten! FRICK!!! What am I supposed to do now?! The kids aren't even going to eat this anyway...
I guess 1/6 the onion needed is better than nothing, right?
Beef broth. (Finally! An ingredient we have PLENTY of!) Into the pot...
8 CUPS WATER. Now, I'm no mathmetician, but even I can eyeball that the pot (the largest one I own) will not be sufficient to hold all the ingredients plus the water. FRICK!
Well...I'll try it anyway.
2 more
The pot is now to the brim, and I have, in the words of "Chunk" "HAD ALL I CAN STAND, AND I CAN'T STAND NO MORE!"
I call Roon one more time to inform him that he has two choices.
  1. He can continue to force me to make this soup, with it's insufficient ingredients, to eat in 70+ degree weather and I'll leave him.
  2. He can pick up pizza on his way home, he'll keep me happy and his most favorite appendage and we can pretend this whole ugly incident never happened.

He chose the latter. I strolled into the living room, put my feet up, and changed my Facebook status to the following...

Lentil soup: Time of death- 4:10 pm. R.I.P. We'll have pizza at the wake!


MiMi said...

Your facebook status ROCKS! LOL!
I do that, try to make something and realize I'm halfway in and I'm out of some key ingredient. And husband's NEVER get the hint.

Lori E said...

I don't usually cook from a recipe except for baking. I use what ever and rarely make the same dish the same way twice.
I think the kitchen gods were trying their best to get you the night off. Now I need pizza. Thanks.

Evelyn Perkins said...

Hilarious! Pretty sure this is how all my cooking goes. I think my husband would prefer I just ask him to bring home pizza every night though. Haha! You have the art of sarcasm down to a science. Love it!