The Bachelor...con QUESO.

I know that it may have appeared to the untrained eye that the cast of "The Bachelor" continued their journeys down the Pacific Coast Highway in California. I, however, have a much different view. You see, with all the cheese I saw and heard flying about, I maintain that they, in fact, were barrelling down the mean streets of the midwest...more specifically: Wisconsin. Follow me on a brief journey as we discover how many types of cheese could be crammed into one 2 hour episode.

COTTAGE- Early in the episode, 9 women were told they would be leaving the mansion "forever" and that they would be forced to "rough it" by staying in these little cottages on wheels. I say, make 'em stay in a place where they will not have immediate and easy access to a power source for their hair straighteners, and see what happens...could be scary!

VELVEETA- Like Gia, it's a soft cheese, which can easily satisfy any all-American boy, but no matter how you slice it...it's still fake. Carrying her around like a baby all day...what is he a pack mule? Maybe she should have rethought the stillettos!

COJACK- Or should I say CoJAKE? This was shown as Corrie and Jake playfully rolled down the sand dune in a spontaneous fashion. I guess Tenley hadn't yet started complaining about the sand in every crevice of her body, or Corrie may have had second thoughts about volunteering.

CHEDDAR- Good ol' dependable cheese as the girls referred to their week long road trip in RV's as being on the "Highway to love". I'm sure they came up with that all by themselves too!

STRING- True to form, the "dress" Ashleigh was wearing at dinner after the group date did not leave much to the imagination, making many (or at least me, Lady, and Lady's husband) wonder if she actually owns clothes that are more than just a strand of dental floss.

SOY- Like Vienna, I believe that both were derived from a PLANT. Why else would Jake continue to keep her around? I wonder which bachelorette they will bring back to try to convince him to let her go...

NACHO- After Jake sent Ella home (WWHHHHYYYYY?!!!) he returned to the table where Kathryn was anxiously awaiting the offering of the rose. Little did she know that he would instead send her packing, announcing that it's NACHO rose either! Maybe it was the lecture she gave him about paying attention to her...

PEPPERJACK- Throwing the unused rose into the fire after the 2 on 1 date may have added some heat, but it obviously wasn't put there by accident. Props to the producers for adding some drama...after all, there hadn't been any for about 35 seconds!

MUENSTER- An acquired taste, Vienna seems soft and delicious to Jake, while she leaves a bad taste in the other girls' mouths...especially Ali's.

BLEU- Upon realizing that Vienna had received a rose, many of the girls let loose with a string of obscenities, that turned the air around them blue.

Lady and I like Ali and Tenley, and probably wouldn't throw a shoe at Corrie. Lady's husband likes Ali and Ali, but predicts the final rose will actually be given to Chris Harrison. He is, after all, the head cheese!