Friggin' Soup!

TGIF!!! You know what that means...it's F bomb Friday, hosted by MiMi over at Living in France. It's really a fun challenge. In fact, last week, I commented on someone's entry that I too, found myself looking for moments that would qualify for this exercise, and what do you know...ask and you shall receive.

Last Friday was a fairly laid back day. Since we do our grocery shopping on Saturday, we only had one thing left on our menu of meals to prepare. It was a "hearty lentil and ham soup". Got great reviews, and the recipe can be found here. Normally, I get really excited about making and eating soup in the wintertime, regardless of the fact that my children usually treat it as if I'm trying to feed them 'bubonic plague in a bowl". Today, however, since it was an unseasonably warm day outside (in the 70's) I was not excited about eating soup for dinner. Regardless, I decided I would be the good homemaker (just saying that makes me laugh...I know better than to say I'm a good homemaker) and make the soup anyway. I found the recipe, and was gathering the ingredients necessary, when I thought I had found my out. Singing the "Halelujah Chorus" in my head, I dialed my husband at work...

Roon: "Hello"

Me: "Hey, did you happen to grab any cinnamon sticks at the store? I didn't remember seeing any, and I was just wondering where you might have put them."

Roon: "No...was I supposed to?"

Me: "Well, the lentil soup calls for a cinnamon stick. I thought you would have put it on the list."

Roon: "I didn't. Does the soup really need it?"

Me: (Getting really irritated that my husband is not taking the bait, I try harder.) "I don't know if it really needs it, but since we've never tried this recipe before, I hesitate to make it without all the ingredients. It wouldn't be fair to the soup if we hate it because we didn't make it right, would it?"

Roon: "I don't think it needs it. Make it without it."

(I'm thinking: What a CHEAPSKATE! but I calmly say I will, and hang up the phone.)

I go into the kitchen, pull up Google on the laptop, and search for alternatives to a cinnamon stick. I find my answer, and proceed to make my soup.

Hambone (check!) Into the pot...

Lentils picked over and rinsed, whatever that means, (check!) Into the pot...

Mushrooms, looking kind of sad (check!) Into the pot...

Onions. Where the frick are the onions?! We have got to have more than one onion in this house. (By this point I am livid, and dial the phone again.)

Roon: "Hello."

Me: "Did you put the onions away where they're not supposed to go?"

Roon: "I didn't buy any onions. Did we need some?"

Me: (Did he even READ this recipe?!) "Yes we did, but we have one, so I'll just make it work"

If you read the recipe, you will see that it calls for 3 whole onions...I had 1.

Back to the kitchen to chop my onion(s) and other ingredients that need chopping...

Celery (how old is this? Oh well, not so crisp, but not totally rotten yet. Why didn't I see Vivienne's tip on keeping celery fresh earlier?!)

Carrots (Friggin' A, where the he** are my carrots?! Dang you Roon the Rabbit! Guess 1/3 of a cup will have to do)

Chop chop chop...Wait! Half this onion is rotten! FRICK!!! What am I supposed to do now?! The kids aren't even going to eat this anyway...

I guess 1/6 the onion needed is better than nothing, right?

Beef broth. (Finally! An ingredient we have PLENTY of!) Into the pot...

8 CUPS WATER. Now, I'm no mathmetician, but even I can eyeball that the pot (the largest one I own) will not be sufficient to hold all the ingredients plus the water. FRICK!

Well...I'll try it anyway.

2 cups...in.

2 more cups...in

The pot is now to the brim, and I have, in the words of "Chunk" "HAD ALL I CAN STAND, AND I CAN'T STAND NO MORE!"

I call Roon one more time to inform him that he has two choices.

1. He can continue to force me to make this soup, with it's insufficient ingredients, to eat in 70+ degree weather and I'll leave him.
2. He can pick up pizza on his way home, he'll keep me happy and his most favorite appendage and we can pretend this whole ugly incident never happened.

He chose the latter. I strolled into the living room, put my feet up, and changed my Facebook status to the following...

Lentil soup: Time of death- 4:10 pm. R.I.P. We'll have pizza at the wake!

Suspicion: Confirmed.

THIS JUST IN: In case you were wondering...I am NOT, in fact, smarter than a kindergartener. As I was helping Bubble do his homework tonight, I was giving him the required positive reinforcement, you know, the "ata boy"s and "awesome!"s that make a boy someday aspire to go to Yale, Harvard, or at least the local community college. It was towards the tail end of this homework session that the following exchange took place:

Me: "Great job, Bubble! Now all you have to do is write 'go' three times, finish your capital letters, and then do your smaller case letters!"

Bubble: (Rolling eyes, and generally addressing me with a tone that says he knows that I must have slept through kindergarten) "They're caalled...LOWER CASE LETTERS!"

I think I'm in trouble. If he already knows thinks he is smarter than me, what will happen when he's a teenager? I blame Schoolhouse Rock. The only ones I remember learning were "conjunction junction (what's your function?!) and "I'm just a bill". So much for my dreams of winning the Pulitzer Prize!

The Bachelor...con QUESO.

I know that it may have appeared to the untrained eye that the cast of "The Bachelor" continued their journeys down the Pacific Coast Highway in California. I, however, have a much different view. You see, with all the cheese I saw and heard flying about, I maintain that they, in fact, were barrelling down the mean streets of the midwest...more specifically: Wisconsin. Follow me on a brief journey as we discover how many types of cheese could be crammed into one 2 hour episode.

COTTAGE- Early in the episode, 9 women were told they would be leaving the mansion "forever" and that they would be forced to "rough it" by staying in these little cottages on wheels. I say, make 'em stay in a place where they will not have immediate and easy access to a power source for their hair straighteners, and see what happens...could be scary!

VELVEETA- Like Gia, it's a soft cheese, which can easily satisfy any all-American boy, but no matter how you slice it...it's still fake. Carrying her around like a baby all day...what is he a pack mule? Maybe she should have rethought the stillettos!

COJACK- Or should I say CoJAKE? This was shown as Corrie and Jake playfully rolled down the sand dune in a spontaneous fashion. I guess Tenley hadn't yet started complaining about the sand in every crevice of her body, or Corrie may have had second thoughts about volunteering.

CHEDDAR- Good ol' dependable cheese as the girls referred to their week long road trip in RV's as being on the "Highway to love". I'm sure they came up with that all by themselves too!

STRING- True to form, the "dress" Ashleigh was wearing at dinner after the group date did not leave much to the imagination, making many (or at least me, Lady, and Lady's husband) wonder if she actually owns clothes that are more than just a strand of dental floss.

SOY- Like Vienna, I believe that both were derived from a PLANT. Why else would Jake continue to keep her around? I wonder which bachelorette they will bring back to try to convince him to let her go...

NACHO- After Jake sent Ella home (WWHHHHYYYYY?!!!) he returned to the table where Kathryn was anxiously awaiting the offering of the rose. Little did she know that he would instead send her packing, announcing that it's NACHO rose either! Maybe it was the lecture she gave him about paying attention to her...

PEPPERJACK- Throwing the unused rose into the fire after the 2 on 1 date may have added some heat, but it obviously wasn't put there by accident. Props to the producers for adding some drama...after all, there hadn't been any for about 35 seconds!

MUENSTER- An acquired taste, Vienna seems soft and delicious to Jake, while she leaves a bad taste in the other girls' mouths...especially Ali's.

BLEU- Upon realizing that Vienna had received a rose, many of the girls let loose with a string of obscenities, that turned the air around them blue.

Lady and I like Ali and Tenley, and probably wouldn't throw a shoe at Corrie. Lady's husband likes Ali and Ali, but predicts the final rose will actually be given to Chris Harrison. He is, after all, the head cheese!

Mission: Completion!

So, it's nearing the end of the month, and I am pleased to report the following. My "Unfinished Project Closet" project for January is D.O.N.E.!!! This is due in large part to, okay let's be honest...completely because of, my wonderful husband, Roon. He is the Photoshop master, and while I do know my way around the program to some extent, he puts my abilities to shame. Below, I have included photographic evidence for all you skeptics out there who think I'm full of s...alami. Granted, I guess I can't call this project absolutely completed until they are in envelopes, addressed, and stamped, and happily sailing towards their destinations, but I'm calling it a win, because dangit, they're AWESOME! If I do say so myself...

YAY ME!!! And Roon.

F Bomb Friday! Keepin' it clean...

The wonderful, witty, and wise (check out my alliteration! I amaze myself sometimes!) MiMi over at Living in France began this little weekly...I guess you'd call it a Meme, I'm not sure though...assignment called "F Bomb Friday". Last week, I did not link up because I'm a loser I couldn't think of anything that really would have warranted an F-Bomb to escape my lips. Once I read her post this week though, I had the idea, that F Bomb does not have to involve you actually dropping the bomb, but in my case is something that makes you want to say a variation such as "what the fraggle rock" (thanks Scrubs...you're my hero.) or make you want to fudge in your pants a little bit. So, I searched through the archives of my brain (There may be daddy long legs, and dead things, Mikey, dead things!) and came up with a few that I can use for this assignment for a few weeks anyway. Here it goes:
Rewind a little more than 7 years to when I was expecting my first child...Sissy. We had just bought a NEW car...and yes it was new, like 3 miles on the odometer when we drove it off the lot, which was dumb of us, and the new car smell made my morning sickness flare up, making it seem like an even dumber decision. Really has little to do with the story...
So, since my morning sickness was so bad, we had missed quite a bit of church there in the beginning. One Sunday morning, when I miraculously felt well enough to go for the first time in weeks, we walked out to our beautiful new car, and my husband opened the door for me to get in (awww what a gentleman!) and it was then that I noticed that the contents of our glove box was all over my seat. What the F R? So, I started to gather it up to put it back. I'm not sure what I was thinking. I seem to remember justifying it as a gust of wind, because that makes sense...wind blew upen a latched glove box through a closed window...nice one Sym! That was when my husband noticed...
Not only was his driver's side window smashed in, but so was the rear passenger window on his side, and the back window! Double "What the F R"?! We were not the only ones hit. Every car on our street had been vanalized, some worse than ours. What could possibly make this moment even dumber or more frustrating? WE WERE MOVING THE NEXT DAY!!! Triple "What the F R"?! Had the stupid thieves waited just one. more. day. we wouldn't have even had our beautiful car parked on that street! The real joke, I'm sure, was on them, because since our car was new, we didn't have much stuff in it. The stereo was security protected so that if they removed it, it would be worthless, and we basically had nothing in the trunk but the spare tire. HA HA! I think they decided to get back at us for our lack of acceptable loot, because you know what they did steal?

A bag of Werther's Original I had kept in the glove box to suck on after the aforementioned morning sickness flare ups! Really! What the F R, right?! I guess candy is just THAT important so some people... I hope you choke on it, ya felons! No, wait, that's not nice. I guess I should say that I hope it was worth all the trouble you went through to get it. The blessing in disguise? We had thought about packing up a load to take over to the new place the night before, but decided against it at the last second. Otherwise, our TV, computer, and who knows what else, would have been in the car for the would-be thieves. I guess the Lord works in mysterious ways...

Thanks for the great idea MiMi! Lots of fun!

We interrupt this service call...

Dear "J" from Citi:

It has been a week, and I think I have finally settled down enough to write you this note of apology for my behavior during our phone conversation. I now realize that even though you were droning on and on about information that was not pertinent to my question...I should never have interrupted you. I had assumed at the time, that if I felt you were wasting your time explaining something that I didn't need explaining, I would be helping you out, but alas, I was wrong. I should have let you finish making me feel like an idiot. My bad. Your lecture on "courtesy" proved to be very helpful in my day to day life. After all, I was the one that needed the lesson, because I am, after all, the one being paid to be courteous to people over the phone. Granted, calling you a "Jerkwad" and asking you to "please stop talking, and just do what I asked you to do, so I can be done talking to you" may have been over the line, and for that I extend my sincerest apologies. I also realized once I hung up, that the fact that I used big words like "condescend" and "patronize" may have aided in your frustration, as apparently you do not know the definitions to these words, or you never would have denied that you were doing either of them. I am quite sure, however, that I do not need to apologize for walking you through the fact that I do know how to do basic arithmetic. Shocking, I know, since I am a woman... but I do not need you to explain numbers to me by saying "39 dollars, so basically 40, plus 59 dollars basically 60 equals 100." I do know that 39 plus 59 equals 98, but I can understand the confusion, what with my lack of a penis and all. More than math and courtesy, I must also thank you for one other very valuable lesson. This one being the answer to the question "why do major companies keep sending all their customer service centers to India?" The answer to that is: If I wouldn't have been able to understand you through your accent, I may not have been able to notice how rude or unhelpful you were. Too bad you work in the branch in America huh?
I would write more, but I must go. I apparently have to crunch some numbers to pay for finishing school. Best wishes for you and your future with the company...

Signed,

Disgruntled customer looking for a feedback button...

Sym

Send Her No Flowers

When I was about 14 years old, my mother introduced me to the classics. Okay, maybe not the "classics" one would expect to be called classics, like "Pride and Prejudice", "Gone with the Wind", and "Casablanca", but they were classics in their own right. From the first time I saw "Pillow Talk" starring Doris Day, Rock Hudson, and Tony Randall, I knew I was in love. I could watch any of the 3 movies that the three of them starred in together over and over again...except I don't very often have the time for that. Are you kidding? I still have upwards of 20 DVR'd shows I need to get around to watching...but that's another story. So, anyway, my mother introduced me to these movies, and I now have the complete set of them in a fancy purple case, that is almost too lovely to open. But that has little to do with my story...so I'll move on. One of the characters in this box set is the hilarious "George Kimball" played by Rock Hudson. Or at least...I used to think he was funny. You see, watching a hypochondriac complain of imaginary ailments is funny until you realize that you are living with one. No, not my husband...my daughter. You see, she is what my friend "Lady" calls a "Frequent Flyer" to the nurse's office. At least once a week I look through my daughter's school binder, only to find yet another yellow carbon copy form from the nurse with the appropriate information filled out. These complaints can range from a "sore spot on left side of head" (No, not a headache, a headache would indicate a real problem...she complains about sort spots on her forehead!) to "Under right arm tender from sleeping with Barbie doll last night...skin intact". Yes, these are the things I just know the nurse rolls her eyes about the second she sees Sissy walk through her door. "What seems to be the problem today, Sissy? Did your Webkin try to kill you?" If the occasional note were the only form of communication I had with the school nurse, it may not be so bad, but I think that she has begun trying to teach me a lesson. I don't mean to say that she is out to get me, because seriously... I'm not that paranoid. Yet. There have been no fewer than 3 times so far this school year when I have received a call from Sissy's school nurse to inform me that Sissy had a "fever". Over the phone, the nurse will use very serious tones when she states that Sissy has a "fever of 99.4" or a "fever of 100" and "she needs to be picked up right away." I will send my husband or a friend to retrieve the poor, nearly on her deathbed, child from school, only to have her walk through the door feeling as cool as a cucumber. Apparently my daughter has a super power. Not only is she a hypochondriac, but she's a hypochondriac with the ability to raise and lower her body temperature at will! Seriously! I take her temperature when she comes home with a "fever" to assure that Tylenol or Ibuprofen is necessary, and she will be an even 98.6. What the crud?! But of course, out of fear of infecting the entire school with her cooties, I have to keep her home until she has been "fever free" for 24 hours, which means the little phantom fever girl gets two days of vacation, while I get an extra kid to follow me around and ask me for stuff. Thursday was one of those days. Nurse called at about 8:30 to tell me to come get her, and since she couldn't go back to school on Friday (per the 24 hour fever free rule), Sissy had earned herself a nice long 5 day weekend, courtesy of Martin Luther King day, and her own spontaneous combustion. I just hope she can take a lesson from a fellow mutant with super powers..."With great power, comes great responsibility". Use it wisely, Sissy, eventually you'll just be the girl that cried "wolf" living in a rubber room...or I will.

To The Tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies"...

Come listen to a story 'bout a man named Jake,
Hot Texas native, sure knew how to fly a plane,
Then one day, Jillian asked him to her show,
But after all was said and done, he didn't get the final rose.

(Boutonniere, that is, For Prom kings...and Bachelors)

Well, first thing you know, ol' Jake's the one in charge.
With 25 ladies who all vowed to win his heart.
After just two weeks, he'd sent 13 of 'em home,
In hopes of weeding out the one he'd eventually call his own.

(Wife that is, mortgages, credit cards.)

Well, next thing you know, week 3 has come and gone,
And "crazy" is showing up in nearly everyone.
With all of the tears the girls shed right on cue...
Not a one of 'em was crying when Michelle bid adieu...

(To Jake that is, called her bluff, let her leave.)

Michelle's not the only girl who had to leave this week,
Elizabeth, sent packing, because she was such a tease.
While some thought Vienna should not have won a rose,
Valishia, (Who's that?) was the one that he sent home.

(Mystery girl... Was she there? Noone knows.)

Now if any are like me, and were tuning in this week,
To hear Tenley say that her EPT turned pink...
Well, then you were in for a little shockeroo,
Cause not a word was mentioned, and we're left to sit and stew.

(Over the drama that is, audio tricks, editing.)

If you're all like me, you'll be tuning in next week,
Because it's like a train wreck, and you just can't help but peek.
I just can't stand the suspense until I know...
If it will be Ali who will win the final rose.

Y'all come back now, ya hear!

It's The Sound Of...My House

As I was in the process of coming out of my near comatose state one morning, I heard the following exchange:

Boo: (Out of control giggling, and squealing)

Bug: (hollering in his best impression of a superhero) "Yeah"!

I was just beginning to relish in the fact that is seemed like my younger two woke up on the right sides of their respective beds, and would therefore make my day an absolute dream come true, when I hear this:

Roon: "Bug! Quit throwing cereal at your sister!" "I mean it, Boo, cut it out!" "That's it, you two are done with breakfast!"

I didn't want to get up anymore.

But, against my better judgement, I did. For the next 8-12 hours, THIS is what I heard:

Boo: WHAAAAAAAAAA!

Bug: "I Saaaiiiddd....!" and "Aaaaawwwww" and "NO BARE!" (translation: No fair!)

I should have stayed in bed.

My Wednesday In Numbers

Yesterday was one of THOSE days. I know you all know what I'm talking about. The kind of day that leaves you in a state where your husband knows better than to come home and ask you what you're making for dinner...unless he wants to die. To avoid reliving the awefulness by recounting the events of the day in vivid detail...I'll just share with you, my day in numbers.

15- Number of minutes Sissy and Bubble were late for school.
2- Number of extra kids that showed up at my door at 8:00 in the morning
1- Number of toddlers who woke up on the wrong side of the bed, AND are in the process of being weaned from a pacifier...YIKES!
4- Number of children I gave fruit snacks to
4- Number of children I asked in advance to dispose of thier wrappers properly.
4- Number of children who thought the floor was just as good as a garbage can...
4- Number of children who are no longer allowed to leave the kitchen with snacks.
1- Load of laundry done.
1- Call from Grandma dodged, because I don't have time to talk about peroxide.
1-Visit from my Visiting Teacher.
5- Number of events that formed a "perfect storm" within a 3 minute period, that made my visiting teacher run for the hills!
30- Minutes to feed my kids lunch and get them ready to go.
27- Number of pretzels thrown on the floor
5- Minutes I was running late.
2- "Where the heck are your shoes!"
3- Hours volunteering at the Elementary School.
2- Teachers helped.
300- Copies made.
2-Random things inadvertantly printed on transparencies.
18- "Mittens" traced and cut out.
2- Hole punches jammed
1- Much needed Dr. Pepper.
3- Children to grab from school. (Sissy, Bubble, and a friend's kid... "N")
1/2- Number of miles to walk to "N" 's house.
3- Number of times "N" told me he walks on the street by himself.
1- Number of times I watched as "N" tried to demonstrate walking on the busy street.
1- The number I almost went in my pants.
3- Obscenities overted as I screamed for him to get off the road...NOW.
1- Mother I informed about her son's little stunt.
1- Number of kids who called me a liar.
2- Excuses made about why he was walking on the street.
1- Unamused, me.
90- Minutes 'til Daddy comes home.
27- Dollars spent to "make" dinner at McDonald's because Roon knows better than to make me cook on a day like that.

Have you ever had one of THOSE days?

Wii Not So Fit

So, here we are, one week since the start of my first "resolutibility", and I must say that I have learned some very valuable lessons that I would like to share with you...

First, in no way should you believe that riding an imaginary bike, while stepping on the Wii Balance Board, looks or feels anything like riding a real bike. However, when that yappy little virtual dog starts chasing you, chances are you will instinctively try to kick him out of the way with your foot, throw off your balance, and inevitably injure your pride as your spouse stands there pointing and laughing.*

Second, the commentary that comes from your "personal trainer" will begin to sound like a broken record, and you will be tempted to throw the Wiimote at the screen in protest as they scold you for your "legs shaking a little". I would advise you not to do this, unless you want a new TV, in which case...hurl that sucker! Instead, I would suggest muting the TV, and coming up with your own dialogue to replace the comments you would normally hear. For example, you could replace "train every day to help to improve your posture" with "Your posture SUCKS! I'd better see you in here tomorrow or you know I'll be throwing some veiled insults in the form of compliments at you the next day, loser!" What? Too harsh? Okay, how about you could replace "Train every day to tone and strengthen your abs" with "Is that all you got? My grandmother has better ab strength than you!" Maybe I'm the only one that this would amuse...ignore me.

Third, while playing any and all of the balance games, you will most likely begin to wonder if the apple juice you had earlier in the day had gone bad when you notice that it feels strangely like you are failing a sobriety test. Don't worry, you're most likely not tipsy, you just really are THAT uncoordinated.

Tune in next week as I share my adventures and epiphanies about eating healthy in conjunction with exercise. It'll leave you craving more...quite literally.

*No virtual dogs were actually harmed in our feeble attempts to exercise, nor are any real dogs harmed when we exercise in the real world, because we're really more of the "embarass yourself in the comfort of your own home" kind of athletes.

And Then There Were 12.

Okay, it's that time again! That's right, It's Monday night/Tuesday morning which means it is time for BACHELOR UPDATE! In honor of the fact that there are only 12 ladies left, please follow me on a journey to discover 12 products or companies that should, would, or could benefit from the women who were featured in tonight's episode:

#1 Thrifty Van Rentals: After all, if they are going to send every girl that does something inappropriate on the show home in a van...they'll make a killing!

#2 Bikini Waxing Services: They're not just for swimwear anymore! No, as Rozlyn clearly demonstrated, you also need them for photo shoots where you inappropriately put your hooha on display.

#3 Disco Ball dress designers: Rozlyn rocked one at the "most dramatic rose ceremony ever" leading women everywhere to lust after their very own dress and party decoration in one!

#4 Water balloon manufacturers: Once all the adolecent girls catch a glimpse of all the silicone bouncing around on the bachelorettes, they will surely be using these to stuff their bras, and give the same bouyancy.

#5 Podiatrists: Just looking at the high heals some of the women were wearing and ACTUALLY WALKING IN, made an uncoordinated simpleton such as myself feel a bit unsteady. Doctors everywhere will thank the show for inspiring women everywhere to do serious damage to their feet.

#6 Kleenex Tissues: For cryin' out loud (ha ha, I'm punny)! Michelle went through a whole box right after she found out she wasn't getting a date with Jake! If only they would invent a "side by side" pack, so that Michelle and Christina could sit side by side during their ugly cry pity parties...now THAT would be something!

#7 The makers of "Antabuse" : After seeing herself on this episode, Christina may come to the same conclusion that many of the viewers have...some people just shouldn't consume alcohol...EVER. Of course, in my opinion, she's not the only one that drinks too much on this show...so they all could really benefit from this medication, making stock prices SOAR!


#8 Cosmetic companies: Some people just shouldn't leave home without their makeup on...EVER. I'm not sure about anyone else, but there was one girl that I almost didn't recognize when she was not wearing makeup. Not to name any names, but Vienna-sweetie, you weren't born with it...you need Maybeline.


#9 LipSmacker's Lip Balm: I bet if Elizabeth had been wearing Dr. Pepper Lip balm, Jake would not have been able to resist kissing her (he IS from Texas, after all), even though she told him not to!

#10: Ray-Ban Sunglasses: Had Ashley been wearing them, maybe Jake wouldn't have been freaked out by her bug eye expressions. Was I the only one that noticed, and thought she looked a tad on the CRAZY side? Yeah? Okay, never mind then...


#11: Lithium: Clearly the only way Michelle was able to control her impulses to stab someone's eye out with anything from a toothpick to a stiletto heal, when her one on one time with Jake was interrupted...CRAZY!!!


#12: Barnes and Noble: More specifically, their "Self Help" section. I think there is more than one woman either still on the show, or who had been sent home "broken hearted" that could stand to be reminded that she is a rare flower, in a garden filled with weeds...er somethin'.

There you have it! My phycho girl of the week is:

ASHLEY!

Sorry, you're super cute, just kinda freaked me out.

That's not what I'd call it...

It's the 12th of the month, and you know what that means! Okay, you probably don't actually, so allow me to explain...
My birthday is on the 12th of the month I was born in (April) so in an effort to make this blog more personal, I am going to give you a fun, or unusual fact about myself...sometimes more than one, on the anniversary of my birth. Today, is January 12, so it will be my first attempt to reveal something unbeknownst to you. Here ' goes...
I was born a "blue baby". No, I did not have some sort of unusual skin condition, nor was I the illegitimate child of Papa Smurf, but when I was born, I was blue. The doctors knew that there was something wrong with me, but they were having trouble putting their fingers on exactly what it was. You see, they had never seen a baby born before with my exact combination of "ailments". Finally, they reached a virtual cornucopia of diagnoses which included the following: Tetrology of Fallot (Pronounced Full Oh) with a Corrected transposition and dextrocardia.
To say the least, my life has been filled with an entourage of doctors, surgeons, and specialists in all departments, to treat me. All of my children had to be pre-screened, to assure they were not as blessed as I was, prior to birth. Luckily, nobody else inherited my mutant genes, and while I had to be treated with a little extra TLC during certain portions of my life, I have been able to live an amazing and full life. I get a little thrill (and a fair amount of hesitation) whenever I must go to a physician who I have never seen before. When we moved to our current home (Texas) I went to meet my now favorite cardiologist, and after confusing the echo tech to no end, my doctor came in. I recited the memorized diagnosis that I had been programmed to be able to recall at a moments notice since I was 9 years old, and she looked at the screen, cocked her head, and said: "That's not what I'd call it". Here it was over 25 years since my original diagnosis, and she was questioning it's validity. WHAT?! Who am I then?! I asked her if she had a better term for what I have, and she furrowed her brow. "Well...you have this...and this...but you have this too, so it's not really that...I guess we can just go with the previous diagnosis, for lack of a better term."
So, there you have it. I'm "lack of a better term" girl. I have had 2 or 3 open heart surgeries, depending on which ones you count as surgeries, and countless other procedures. I HATE being the center of attention as far as my condition goes, so the fact I have a "zipper", the telltale sign that you have a broken heart, makes me very self conscious. I tend to keep the conversation focused away from the fact I'm not "normal", and will most likely not refer to it very often on here, because it really isn't a crippling, end of the world kinda thing. If you have found this post while looking up information about the ailments your child has, please feel free to contact me. I would love to talk more in depth with someone who already knows all the medical gobbledy gook.
Tune in next month for a few things that I LOVE in honor of Valentine's day...

*Clarification: Just to let you know, since I'm an airhead, and forgot to put it in the post...I am not still blue. My first surgery fixed the problem THANK GOODNESS! Sorry to leave you hangin' MiMi!

WOOF!

Someone in this house is in the doghouse. Someone in this family is in BIG trouble, and has some serious explaining to do. I wish I could say that it was one of my kids. After all, they are usually pretty good scapegoats. I even wish I could say it was my husband, and that he has to make up for his transgression by buying me something pretty. But, in all honesty, he is rarely the one who does anything wrong in our house. The culprit of the crime, is me. I don't really want to expose too many of my shortcomings too early on in this blog, but I will sum up what I did wrong by saying that I am really falling short on follow through lately. For example...at the beginning of the school year, I insisted that we had to sit down as a family in the morning and have a hot breakfast before sending the kids off to school. I stressed the importance so much, that my husband (who knows me a little too well for my own good sometimes) finally relented. Currently, the situation goes that HE gets up with the kids in the morning, HE fixes them a hot meal, and HE makes sure they have lunch money or their lunches packed. What do I do while he is getting all of this taken care of at 7 in the morning? Why, I'm sleeping silly! This is not the only example of something I lead him to believe will happen, but eventually doesn't, but it is a major one. So, Roon, this is my public apology to you. I appreciate you more than you will ever know, and I will try my best to do better. Can I come back inside now?

Tastes Like Chicken!

On more than one occasion in my life, I have had the great pleasure of eating crow. Not real actual- grab yourself a gun and go shoot you some dinner, crow, but the figurative kind. I can remember one embarrassing moment off the top of my head from my wedding day. Roon and I were at our wedding breakfast, and his aunt came up to say her congratulations. Since the incident was so many years ago, I can't exactly remember how the dialogue went exactly, but I do know that she was speaking about how important marriage was, and how much a husband and a wife grow together through the years. She stated that in the 2 years she had been married to Roon's now uncle, they had already learned so much about to to communicate with each other. I, being the very gullible person that I am, and being new to the family, was worried that she was trying to pull one over on me. I scoffed at her, and said..."you mean 2 times 10 right, or two with a zero after it, don't you?" or something really eloquent like that. After all, this woman was old enough to be my mother, so I didn't even stop to consider the fact that she could be a newlywed. Please bear in mind that Roon has about a million relatives and, at that time, I was more than just a little overwhelmed. A few minutes after the exchange, Roon pulled me aside, and explained that his aunt, in fact, had only been married about 2 years, as it was her second marriage. MmmBoy! Nothing tastes better than a nice healthy helping of your own words! Slimy, yet satisfying...er something. I tell this story for three reasons really. One, to remind everyone that you can't always judge a book by it's cover. Two, to show you that on occasion my sarcastic nature has gotten me in trouble (or at least in an uncomfortable situation) by making me doubtful of other people's sincerity. And, three, to segue to the introduction of a post I wanted to share from another blogger.
One of the blogs I frequent, is of the original and FABULOUS "Meanest Mom" herself, Jana Mathews. She is my hero for so many reasons, but mostly because she is so honest in her dealings with her children. Her parenting style is quite similar to my own, she handles church callings with the same grace I would, and she has a sense of humor about all of it. Her post from this morning titled: The Needy, is one I think we should all read, and learn something from. Thank you Jana for sharing this humbling experience with the rest of us, and thanks so much to my little sister for introducing me to "The Meanest Mom" in the first place. My world is a much more hilarious place because of it!

Gandhi and my 3 year old

Before the dawn of time...(okay not that long ago, but I've always wanted to start a story like that. Makes it sound more epic.) Mahatma Gandhi lived, and was a brilliant, peaceful man. 58 years after his passing, my son "Bug" was born and considered by many to also be a peaceful little man. Then he turned 3. All of a sudden he was less "passive resistent" and more "smack the crap out of anyone who will steal my yoyo." I do step in when necessary, but I do believe in letting kids attempt to work out their own differences first, so as long as nobody is bleeding for crying, the confrontation is being handled "peacefully" in my book. Especially if I feel that the victim of his wrath deserved their fate. Even though Bug is not such a pacifist anymore, he is still like Gandhi in another BIG way. The hunger strikes. This drives me absolutely mad (as in hatter, not screaming, yelling, and stomping feet)! Suddenly, he turns from my little boy that will eat just about anything, in larger than life portions, to "Randy" from A Christmas Story. You know..."Meatloaf, meatloaf, double beatloaf...I HATE MEATLOAF." I can admit that I understand why he would revolt against vegetables and certain meats, but I cannot by any stretch of the imagination, dream of why the kid would turn down a Happy Meal! When I was a kid, if our family ordered out pizza, it was such a big treat, that there were never any leftovers. If we went to McDonald's, not everyone got a Happy Meal, but instead one person got a Happy Meal, and everyone else got plain old cheeseburgers. It was a BIG deal. Bug does not see it that way, and looks at us like we are trying to feed him food laced with arsenic, or worse...cooties. What's really impressive, is that his hunger strike has gone on WAY longer than 3 weeks. Yes, he does eat, but RARELY dinner. He'll sit down, exclaim that whatever is laid out before him is his "bavorite deiner ebber" (favorite dinner ever) and then refuse to eat. The pediatrician has assured me that it is normal, which is obvious to me since he is not the first, nor will he be my last to walk in these footsteps, but as a wise man (Gandhi) once said: "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win".

That's right, Gandhi, I will prevail!

Unfinished...or awaiting inspiration?

I don't know about anyone else out there in the blogosphere, but I always NEVER set projects aside that are not finished. I think the very idea that there was a half finished embroidery project from 8 years ago would keep me awake at night. But, for those sorry slackers that do have "unfinished" projects in their closets, I decided to begin a monthly motivator which I like to refer to as "the unfinished project closet". Now, like I said, I do not have "unfinished" projects, but I may have one or two projects that are..."awaiting inspiration". Yes, I get that I have deluded myself into thinking that it was not laziness, but lack of creative energy that put the project on hold, in a less than finished state, but alas, it makes me feel better, so that's what I'm calling it.
Usually, I will post a "before" picture at the beginning of the month, and then an "after" picture at the end of the month to serve as proof that I did, in fact, get my lazy rear in gear. However, this month has no "Before" picture, because it has to do with a digital project. This month, I commit to get my family calendar DONE. I know what you're thinking...gee, committing to get a calendar in January seems a little late doesn't it? Well, no. In fact, I'm pretty sure that nobody in my extended family even misses having a calendar in January. They don't do anything during that month anyway, right? Alright, alright, well in my defense, I have only known that I would be in charge of this year's calendar for 2+ years. I mean, work with me people! I have also been really super lazy busy lately.
Eventually, I may turn this into a contest, where people can submit their unfinished project goal, and they'll win some sort of prize if they succeed, but for now, since only about 3 people read my blog, and one is my husband, it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense.
So, there you have it...my first commitment to get something DONE! I'll let you know how it goes. Until then, I challenge you to pull out that crocheted "potholder" and turn it into the scarf you originally intended it to be!

The Flintstones meet the Jetsons

When you hear the word "Flintstone" what is the first thing you think of? I would be willing to venture a guess that it involves one of three things:

1) Dinosaurs

2) Cars that you had to be physically fit to drive...which I don't understand because why not just have the dinosaur or saber tooth tiger pull you in a cart? And come on, it's not like Fred Flintstone was some kind of Fabio with rippling muscles...and what if Wilma or Betty ever needed to run arrands, do you think their little toothpick legs could take them very far? But I digress...

or 3) Showers that involved dousing you with Elephant snot.

Right? Okay, maybe I'm the only one who thinks of number 3. Anyway, on the flipside, what do you think of when you hear the word "Jetson"? It stands to reason that it would involve either flying cars, robots, or "Spacely Sprockets" right? Again, I'm probably the only person who even remembered the third thing...
Well, what if I told you that you could combine your visions from both of these nostalgic cartoons into one bundle of technological magic? Sounds too good to be true, I know, but I present to you:

SPIKE THE ULTRA DINOSAUR!

Guaranteed to provide your child with HOUR of fun and excitement, for the low low price of $120 and and an "I told you so".

Now, if only Santa Claus had a return policy...

10 down...15 to go.

I would like to preface this post by stating that for the last 2 seasons, three if you count the one that is currently underway, I have watched the "Bachelor/Bachelorette" seasons with my bestest gal pal. In an effort to protect the names of the innocent, I will refer to her from here on out in my blog as "Lady". So, Lady and I got together around 8, and the "most dramatic season yet" commenced! Please bear with me, and know that I really harbor no ill will towards any of the "contestants" this season, but being a resident of Texas myself, and living within stalking distance, kinda flawed my view of several of these women. Whether my opinion is flawed by a twinge of jealousy, or by Lady's husband who kept pointing out who the women resembled in real life, I'll never be quite sure, but here is a brief recap of the happenings on the show last night...according to me.

First: There is a very large majority that must not feel the need to wear undies anymore. I mean seriously, girls...if you are going to be on national television, you may want to help victoria keep her secret. I'm just sayin'! Don't get me wrong, I know that in this day in age, it is very hard (especially when you have been well endowed in certain areas) for you to keep your northern mountains covered, but once you are giving a tour of your southern valley...NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT!!! So, Ashleigh...cover it up next week, okay darlin'?

Second: Can you spell drama? I can: M-I-C-H-E-L-L-E. See! I should be in some kind of spelling Bee, I AM THE CHAMPION...MY FRIENDS! Anywhoo...seriously, crying on the first night, because after 3 hours of being there, you had not had any one on one time with the guy who has 25 women vyeing for his attention? I see your point...why didn't he just propose to you right there? Well, maybe he is like the lovely Kathryn, in all her purple tutu glory, who has a "pretend fiance". I mean, you can't expect a guy to commit to an actual living breathing organic girl when he's got a delusion on the side, right? Ay yi yi!

Third: Too forward, or just downright inappropriate...you decide. First, Vienna, who was "agressive" to say the least, in her one on one time with Jake. Beginning with her placing his hand on her heart to feel how fast it was beating, and ending with forcing him to kiss her leg where she had been hit with a softball or something, kinda seemed a little more than "playful" to me. But, this even seemed benign compared to Channey's comment in Cambodian...Oh. My. Gosh! Apparently Jake had no interest in landing his plane on her landing strip, because he sent her packing.

Lastly: No green swim trunks? I have to admit, the glutten for punishment that I am, was a little saddended when E.D. showed up in a suit as opposed to his less than flattering, practically underpants, swimwear. I still don't get why he and "Jill" showed up there...nobody ever listens to the "friends" that come to "help". What's the point?! After all, who did they say he should send home? (I'll give you a hint...her name starts with Michelle) and who didn't he send home? DUH!!!

So, here are mine and Lady's predictions: Gia will be the one who the scandal is centered around, because one of us claims she looks like a crack whore, but I will not name names. We really like Ali to take it all.

Tenley get's my vote for the wierdest name this season, since Channey got eliminated so early on. Ella seems like a swell girl, and also gets props for being the only single mom on the show who has admitted to having children thus far. You go girl! (I'm pretty sure I can't pull that off, can I?)

Now, since I'm sure the suspense is eating you alive, I will reveal my Psycho girl of the week award. Drumroll please.........................

MICHELLE

Wear your crown proudly girl...you earned it!

I may need professional help.

According to my stat counter, other than me, I have had one person from Germany (probably by accident) visit my blog, as well as what I can only assume is the Google Bot. So, Guten Tag to you, and < insert computer speak here > to you, Google Bot! Welcome once again to my little corner of the web, where I apparently sit with a dunce cap, sniffing glue, and crying that nobody likes me. I feel a song coming on...oh wait...it passed. This is not the reason I need professional help.

WAY back when, when "The Bachelor" first aired, I watched with thousands, dare I say millions of other women as Alex Michel made the wrong choice in sending Trista away, "broken hearted". Now, it was so long ago, that I can't even guarantee that I watched the whole season, but I do remember the finale...and I know that I got swept up in the drama enough to watch the very first season of "The Bachelorette" as Trista got her turn in the driver's seat, so to speak. Since that time, there have been many more "most dramatic rose ceremonies ever", and I have been in attendance for most of them. I could go on and on about how I was not one of the major fans of Jillian, as I was a die hard Melissa fan all through that monstrosity of a season with Jason Mesnick, and the accomanying crotch shots of his now main squeeze "Molly" but I will just let sleeping dogs lie. I gave up all hope of Jillian being a sane woman, when she let this little cutie pie go...

Well, in case you have been living under a rock, and haven't heard...pilot, and Dallas Texas native Jake Pavelka is named to be the next Bachelor, and this show premiers tonight! The show starts in about 30 minutes, and the anticipation is killing me! Don't worry, I've taken all the proper precautions, including setting my DVR, and taking my heart arrythmia medication, and the captain has cleared me for takeoff.

With any luck, this show will not include as many "mile high club" inductees, as I suspect would happen if he weren't such a "good guy"...or at least, I hope not! Stay tuned for my weekly rundown, of who should stay, go, or change her wardrobe choices.

Allow me to introduce myself...

It just occured to me, which tells you just how slow I actually am, that I never formally introduced myself. Now, this will just be a small sampling of who I am, because I will entertain and amuse you with little known facts about me one day a month, but who wants to read my phycho babble if they have no idea who I am?! I wouldn't! Anyway, despite what my children tell you, I am a "young" mom of 4. Like the name of my blog suggests, symmetry is very important in my household. So much so, that my husband blessed me by giving me children spaced almost perfectly apart, and in the order of girl, boy, boy, girl. My youngest was born before my oldest even turned 5, and no...none of them are twins. Simply telling you this information, would suggest that I have a few screws loose, and I would have to concur with that assessment. I have been married, and disgustingly happy with my best friend for 10 years, and if looking back is any indicator of what is to come...BRING IT ON!!! I am blessed that my husband is so amazing, and makes a good enough living that it is not necessary for me to work, so I live the high life every day, eating Bon Bons, sleeping in, and watching soaps. What? That's not what you do as a SAH mom? You must be doing it wrong! I adore my children, but love that I only have 2 at home with me during the day, so I can sometimes find some "ME" time to fulfill my hobbies, or at least try to take a shower without an audience. A Texan at heart, but not by birth, I am addicted to Dr. Pepper, and would probably swim in a fountain of it, if there were such a thing. I wish I could call myself a "homemaker", but I think that in order to be one, you would have to occasionally attempt to keep a clean house, but as is my mantra..."cleaning your house before your children stop growing, is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing". I just don't see the point most days. I'd rather read a book with my kid rather than clean a toilet. Who wouldn't? I hope this information is enough to prove to you that we are really kindred spirits, and inspires you to hang in there with me, as I reveal more real and disturbing facts about myself. I promise...I don't bite!

New Year's Resolutibilities.

I, like most people...I'm sure, hesitate to actually set a New Year's resolution. You see, to resolve to do something sounds so definite, like you have serious conviction, and fully intend to accomplish the goal you have set, and declared to the world. Or, at least declared to your small circle of friends, who laughed at you the minute you said you would lose 50 pounds, and then encouraged you to eat another slice of cheesecake, so you wouldn't make them look bad. No. I've set myself up for some serious disappointments in the past, and so this year, I propose a new word for what I am making. RESOLUTIBILITIES. In case my cleverness is just too much for you, my new word is a combination of the two words "Resolution" and "Possibilities". This is really just a way of declaring what I would like to have happen, and intend to work on throughout the year, while leaving a little loophole, so that if I don't accomplish the aforementioned goals, I can say, "well...I only actually said it was possible, not probable".
This year I decided that my resolutibility would be to become a more well rounded person. I began this attempt by starting up this blog, and it is also a resolutibility that I will follow through, and post new things on a very regular basis. Each month, my husband and I will begin a new goal in order to help us achieve our resolutibility, and I will keep you informed of what our goal was at the beginning of the month, with an update towards the end of the month, so you can judge and ridicule me. But that's okay, because I've still got my loophole!
The goal beginning first thing Monday morning is: EXERCISE!
In an attempt to shed some of those unwanted pounds, we want to get our bodies moving. With the help of Wii Fit, Wii Active, and any other Wii game that gets us up off our hineys, we want to participate in a regular exercise program and improve our overall health. Stay tuned for this month's update, and next month's goal. I know you're riveted!

What's your New Year's resolutibility?

Here Goes Nothing

175,000. I read somewhere that that is how many blogs are started every day. And of course, since EVERYTHING you read on the internet is factual, I in no way doubt it's validity. Since this is such a daunting idea for a little old stay at home mom, such as myself, I decided to look at it from a more positive perspective. For example...I'm sure that number is rounded up. After all, it sounds so much more impressive to say that there are 175,000 created every day, than 174,653 right? So, right off the bat, we are eliminating upwards of 347 blogs. That's quite a bit of competition, when you think about it. Second, you can probably eliminate half of those, because they are created by people who just want a family bulletin board, and have made their blogs private. Awesome! Now we're down to somewhere like 87,320 ish created as public blogs. I feel better already! Let's cut out some of the remaining, and write them off as people who were up late one night (possibly under the influence of alcohol) watching "Julie and Julia", and decided "I could totally do that!" With a newfound conviction for something they are uber excited about, they muster the energy and motivation to sign up for a blog name, and then 3 years later it still has the test post on the main page. While it's sad to think that their failure benefits me, it probably does drop the number of blogs started every day to around 50,000, right? Take that number, and factor in work blogs, news blogs, and blogs that supply you with Nintendo cheat codes, and you probably have a manageable number. But all that considered, why would someone like me, want to start an online portal into my thoughts, when the odds of someone actually being interested in reading it are slim to nil? Well, I decided to write one once I realized that it was either begin my own, or risk a hostile takeover on the family blog that my husband and I have had for almost 4 years now. Since I have failed miserably at writing a journal to leave behind for future generations, this is my attempt to show my children that their mother had thoughts, and that those thoughts did not always revolve around housework, or runny noses. After all, if they think my life is nothing without them...they may never leave!