Thursday, August 26, 2010

This is Why I Normally Warm the Bench...

Athletics.  Some people have the ability...some people cringe at the word. 
I am no athlete.  In fact, I have no idea what the term "off sides" means, nor do I care to find out. 
Bug, on the other hand, is a born athlete. 
Give the boy a ball, and he's happy. 
Since Bubble was always more the type of kid to sit and do puzzles or watch TV, I don't know how to handle it.  Puzzles, I can do...
Bug's need to be active and play ball has increased over the past 6 months.  Roon did a pretty good job of playing with him in the evenings, and then the summer came, and Bug had Bubble to play with. 
But now, school has started. 
And Bug has become desperate.
"Mommy, will you pway socter ball wit me?"
"Sure Bud!  Where's the goal?"
"Right dare."  (Indicating a dining room chair)
"Are we on the same team, or different teams?"
"Same team."
Then the game begins. 
Bug kicks the ball in my general direction, and I kick it (after possibly missing, and stubbing my toe on the floor...) into the goal.
"WOOHOO!  YEAH!"  *Cheering and carrying on, thinking I had just scored a goal for our team*
"Dat's not how you pway!"
I notice that Bug is nearly in tears, and looks extremely upset with me.
Bug then clarified that we were NOT on the same team, and that I was on the "Bad Team".
So, when Bug kicked the ball at me again, and I scored another goal, I was reprimanded.
"The bad team doesn't steal balls, Mommy!"
I informed him that stealing is just the sort of thing a bad guy would do...
I don't think he appreciated that.
After Bug started using his hands to throw the ball, instead of kick it, I figured that his version of soccer was different from any I had ever heard of before.
Aftr a while, I was behind in points, since I was no longer allowed to "steal" the ball from him, so I did the only thing I could think of. 
I cheated.
The ball came to me (so I wasn't stealing) and I picked it up and threw it into the goal. 
Then I did my victory dance.
And Bug, was mad.
"YOU TAN'T FROW DA BALL, MOMMY!  DAT'S CHEATING!"
"But, you were throwing it, Bug.  I thought throwing was allowed."
Then the tears came.
"I WANT TO WIN.  YOU TAN'T WIN, MOMMY, I WANT TO WIN!"
"I'm sorry, Bug.  I'll let you win now."
Bubble heard all the commotion and came down to join in the fun. 
When Bubble stole the ball, claimed to be on my team, and scored a goal...Bug lost it.
"I NOT PWAYING WIT YOU ANYMORE.  I WANT DADDY!"
He then layed down on the floor to perform a one man chorus of "I WANT DADDY!" until Roon got home 30 minutes later.

Perhaps, I should take up coaching soccer full time...

10 comments:

Witness Protection Program said...

Hilarious! Thanks for starting my morning off right.

Though, I am not sure if you can be all you can be as a soccer coach. Perhaps "Life's not fair- motivational speaker."

MiMi said...

Ugh. Toddler rules are a whole 'nother topic! lol
What the heck does off sides mean, anyway?

shortmama said...

Yeah I never play right either. I try to play doll house with the girls and I get in trouble because I dont say the right things when Im the "mom" in the doll house...who knew I wasnt good at being the mom?

Brooks said...

I must be the meanest Mom out there. I figure that in order to teach my children to play, I need to teach them how to be graceful losers. Not that they'll always lose... I just don't dig the nasty children that come to my house, cheat, and I'm still supposed to let them win and throw them a party for doing it. I get a secret thrill when I beat one of my children at a game when they are having a bad attitude. I am nothing if I am not consistent... Sounds like Roon needs to be a little more cutthroat or at least legal.

Wow. I think that you hit a subject I am passionate about. Hilarious post, though. I think that our days must mirror each other far too often...

Oh, and you should see MY victory dance. I'm considering the possibility of going professional...

Brooks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mamarazzi said...

adorable...and frustrating, sounds like a toddler!

Emmy said...

Lol! Don't you know the first and probably only rule is that they always win? Fun huh?

Heather said...

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall! For several reasons really! To see the victory dance is top on the list! And thanks for the spelling, I could totally hear him talking in my head.
The life of a mom...

Myya said...

I've got a couple of those around my house but luckily I know how to play by thier "rules" and when I slip up I just offer treats to keep the peace :)

Aubrey S. said...

Poor Bug.