Unless you have been living under a rock, don't have TV, or do not have easy access to the internet, you had to know that last night was the much anticipated (aren't they all?) finale of season...whatever...of the Bachelor. I never call them by their season numbers, this one will forever live in my memory as "Jake's season". I hope the anticipation for this update didn't kill you, and I hope that I succeed in making it worth your while with this parody, taking you through the final episode, and the "after the final rose" show. It is, in case you couldn't guess, to the tune of "On The Wings Of Love" by Jefferey Osborne. Press play, scroll down, and ENJOY!
By the way...the tune gets a little hairy at the end, so my lyrics may not flow too well. I'm sorry!
Come follow me, and let the show begin.
Jake is the pilot that two girls want to win.
Tenley seems just like an angel in disguise
Vienna, most hated, would win the final prize!
On the wings of LOVE
Jake's head is in the clouds
But he still can't deciiiide.
But before he can propose...
The girls must meet his FOLKS
Maybe then mom and dad
Can help to shed some liiight
On which girl
Should become a Pavelkaaa.
Tenley meets his dad, and he begins to cry
How there's another girl, they all wonder why
Jake's crazy bout her, but you can't help but see
He's a little conflicted, on which one it should beeee.
Really not that SMART
Jake tells his family that noone
And then he felt regret.
What if they don't LIKE
Her 'cause what he said
Has tarnished all their viewww.
Of who she really is
And what he seeees.
As crazy as it seems.
Though things started awkwardly.
They changed their view and loved her eventually.
When they said thier last goodbyes
Vienna couldn't help but cry
Losing him, seemed so much more than she could bear.
On the final DATES
J covered V in mud
The two rolled 'round like piigs.
While J and T sailed on a boat.
Jake made Tenley CRY
When he said physical, the chemistry was noooot
And she tried to prove him wroong
Finally Jake picks ONE
And the girls are led up into the clououds.
To await their final fate.
Tenley's plane lands FIRST
Then comes the ugly cry
I just don't understaaand
Why you'd pick Vienna over meeee.
Okay, so I ran out of verses to parody, so it didn't go through the after the final rose ceremony...here's how that went:
Vienna and Jake are insanely happy, and he doesn't care what anyone thinks about it. They plan to be married, but probably not until they have had time to live together "in the real world". Guess it's a good thing the show is sending them back to St. Lucia, get their "real life" romance off to a realistic, and totally normal start.
Ali was named as the next Bachelorette, and you all know that I love her, so I will most definitely be watching.
During the show they named the next DWTS (Dancing With The Stars) contestants, and you will never guess who they picked to be on it...JAKE! That is a little less an excited exclammation, and more a "Come on! Enough already! Or, can we say, overexposed?!" exclammation. Granted, I still think he's hot, but you know, the less you like someone as a person, the uglier they look to you. I started to dislike him the more the season went on, and the more girls he made out with, so let's hope he can't dance. I like that show, and at this point, I'm pretty sure he'll ruin it for me. How much vacation time do pilots get anyway? Shouldn't he be fired by now?!
I guess I should say that I'm not upset that Vienna won. No, I didn't particularly care for her, but there wasn't anything specific to back it up. For all I know, I don't like her because the other girls didn't like her, and I've been hopelessly lead astray. I hope they're happy, and that their relationship lasts as long as can be expected...about 6 months.