Thursday, February 18, 2010


Dear head cold,'s been a month. Why the need to stick around and make my life miserable? Granted, it's kind of fun trying to set a world record for the most boxes of tissues used by one person in a single month, but enough is enough. My "muffin top" is coming back with a vengeance, because when you are unable to breathe through your nose, you are less likely to exercise. Plus...I miss the taste of food. No, the lack thereof has not slowed down my consumption of junk food, but I would really like to be able to taste the aforementioned junk food, thank you!


Your reluctant and miserable host

Dear Bug,

Remember when Daddy and Mommy had that talk with you about your use of toilet paper? Well, we weren't kidding. We're talkin' a birthday cake made out of Charmin, and everything!


contemplating a second mortgage in order to support your habit.

Dear United States Postal Worker,

I'm not really sure when leaving a package in the middle of the street counted as "delivering" it, but I will be sure to return the favor at Christmas time.


You're lucky it was just books, or I would have called to complain

Dear Lady,

How I wish I could have been in class with you last night when you had to perform "gymnastics"! I'm not laughing at you...really. And I can assure you that I would NOT have brought my video camera, and posted the video on YouTube for all your friends to enjoy. I'm WAAAAY too nice for that! Just remember, this will all be worth it. Repeat after me: "It will all be worth it". Next year you will be graduating FINALLY, and I will be the loudest one in the stands cheering you on. Until then...I will laugh at the hoops you have to jump through to become an Elementary School Teacher.


You know I only tease you because I love you so darn much!
Your Biggest Fan.

Dear Shortmama,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I would sing, but you wouldn't be able to hear me all the way over in Arizona, and my voice is fading and cracking anyway, so the neighbors surely wouldn't appreciate the effort. Just remember, you're only as old as you feel, and the calories you consume on your birthday don't count...or so I've been told.


Hoping it's the best birthday EVER!

Okay, everyone! Now it's your turn to stop by and visit SHORTMAMA, link up your Dear letters with her, and wish her a happy birthday. You know you want to....


VandyJ said...

What is it with kids and toilet paper? We should invest in the company, we use so much.

Emmy said...

Great letter. My son has finally started wiping his bottom after he does his business which I am so happy about, but yes the amount of toilet paper he needs to be assured it is clean, come on! Who taught you how to wipe anyway??

I am all stuffy now too :( I cannot stand having a stuffy nose!

MiMi said...

Awww, how cute you wished shortmama a happy birthday!
Ah, the TP...sometimes I think they'll never learn!

shortmama said...

Thanks for the bday wishes!!! So sweet of you!

You have been sick for a month??!!! OMG I hope you get better very soon!!!!

Xazmin said...

Love your letters! So sorry you're sick...feel better, dangit!

LOL about the TP it!

And I can't believe they left your package in the middle of the road, sheesh!

Tracie said...

He left you package in the middle of the street? I would be hot! I get mad when my UPS guy makes a delivery and doesn't ring the bell to let me know he dropped it off. Then I find it the next morning - usually soggy.

I hope you feel better soon!

Mamarazzi said...

UGH the toilet paper thing...makes me nuts!

and i would have killed my mail man, seriously that coulda been Good Mail...not cool!