If you were like me, and had predicted that Ali would be the last girl standing, I submit that we weren't the only ones. Clever editing aside, Ali just seems like the All-American girl, that would be perfect to bring home to mommy. I feel like Jake agreed. Lady, Lady's husband, and I all made this prediction from the very beginning, and were obviously WRONG. Here are a few predictions I am making for the remainder of the season, that will probably miss the mark as well.
- Jake will pick Vienna. [Gasp!] Why do I think this? Well, because the producers/editors have spent so much time and energy making her out to be the villain, which would undoubtedly make the final rose ceremony that much more dramatic.
- Upon seeing all the footage of herself sans cosmetics, Vienna will develop a line of completely waterproof or permanent makeup so that she's never caught "naked" again.
- Gia will leave "broken hearted", find a new career in the adult film industry, and will make news when her stepbrother "tracks Jake down and breaks some legs."
- Tenley will be the next Bachelorette, leaving Lady and I with a new drinking (Dr. Pepper)game of taking a sip every time she squeaks.
- The phone call from Ali that was made out to look like a major turning point in the show will turn out to go as follows: "Hi Jake, this is Ali. Have you seen my lip balm? By the way...don't pick Vienna."
- Gia's mother will show up at the "women tell all" episode hopped up on whatever prescription medication she is hooked on, and will demand to know why she was not asked for Gia's hand in marriage.
- All the single women of the world will come to the obvious conclusion that the one thing missing from their "happily ever after" fairytale is a railing. Making them a fixture in landscapes of all varieties. After all, how can one go on a proper date, if your potential mate has nothing to hang over when overcome with emotion?
- Nothing more will ever be mentioned about the fact that Vienna was married before. Am I the only one that missed this little detail?!
- At least one of the girls will forget or mispronounce the name of the island they are traveling to for the overnight dates. It's St. Lucia, just in case you missed it.
- All the ladies will opt to spend the night in the fantasy suite, with Vienna being the one to partake in the now iconic "couple's massage" that will undoubtedly result in the inappropriate camera angles we have become so accustomed to.
I hope you'll all tune in with me to see which of these predictions go down in flames. If not, don't worry, I'll keep you posted. You're welcome!