Birthdays and T.P.

Hey Everyone! It's Friday, and you know what that means! You get to hear me COMPLAIN! I feel like I've been doing that a lot lately, but I guess since on Fridays I link up with MiMi for her Friday assignment, this could count more as creative writing than just general complaining right? Anybody? Just roll we me, okay...
So, yesterday I solved a mystery. Do you ever buy something, anything, and it seems like you are just burning through it, and it doesn't make sense? Like toothpaste, or toilet paper? Well, in our house lately, it has been toilet paper. I would expect us to burn through it at a fairly steady pace since 5/6 of the members of the household are currently potty-trained, but it just seemed to be disappearing. At first, I thought it had something to do with the fact that Roon had recently had a sit down with Bubble about his hygiene. Bubble is 5 1/2 and has not always "kept the cleanest shop" if you know what I mean. More than just a laundry issue, taking me on a daily mission through skid row, we were worried that he would end up "that" kid in class that reaks, and therefore has no friends. Roon gave him a brief tutorial on how to tell if you're clean, and we saw an immediate improvement. However, the amount of T.P. we were going through just didn't make sense. It wasn't until yesterday, when Bug needed to go potty that we realized what was going on.
Bug: "Daddy, I meed more toywet paper!"
Roon: "What are you talking about, there is half a roll on there."
Bug: "But I meed more! I meed BIG toywet paper!"
Roon: "What the heck, Bug, just use what's there. There is plenty."
Bug: (crying) "But I meed BIG toywet paper!"
Roon walks away, and apparently Bug makes do with what he has on hand.
Fast forward to later, when I was the lucky one to walk by the bathroom.
Bug: "Mommy, I meed more toywet paper!"
Me: (seeing that the roll is empty now) "Okay, I'll be right back."
When I come back in...I realize for the first time that there is a lack of a distinct odor. So, I look in the toilet, because that is part of the glamour of being a mom, ya know. Not only was the smell missing, but so was any evidence as to why a little boy would need toilet paper. WTF! Not only that, but there was about a quarter of a roll of toilet paper in the throne. Double WTF!
No wonder we've gone through about a third of a Costco size package of toilet paper in a week! I decided to try my hand at giving the boy a talking to.
Me: "Bug, boys don't need to wipe their bums when they go pee."
Bug: "Yes they do."
Me: "No. They don't. Only girls do. If you keep going through toilet paper as fast as you have been, mommy and daddy are not going to have money for other things."
Bug: (Confused look on his face. I could see this wasn't sinking in.)
Me: "If mommy and daddy need to keep buying toilet paper as much as we have had to because you've been wasting it, we won't be able to buy you birthday presents, and you will have to get toilet paper instead of toys. Do you want toilet paper or toys for your birthday?"
Bug: "Toys."
Me: "Okay, then you have to stop wasting toilet paper, okay?"
Bug: "Otay."
I guess Roon gets to have the hygiene talk again, only in reverse, for Bug. Why does it always have to be all or nothing with boys? I'll never understand...