Thursday, September 30, 2010

You Must Have Me Confused With Someone Else...

MY kids are perfect.  MY kids are well behaved, never fight, and are nothing but sunshine and rainbows.  ROON'S chilren on the other hand...well, they're a different story.  That is precisely why I'm linking up with my stupendous friend, Evelyn, for her "That's not my kid, Thursday".

To begin my story, I must go back in time a little bit.  First, to explain, Bubble has always been my least visual child.  I often wondered about his vision (until we had it checked), because he always seemed to rely on his other 4 senses more than my other kids would.  If I made dinner, he would ask what we were having.  He would then proceed to stick his nose in it to confirm that it was, in fact, lasagna.  Smell is not the only other sense he uses to confirm visual cues, and I often worry about the health of his future self as a result. 
Now jump in my time machine, as we go back in time....
The year was 2007.  Bubble was 3, I was about 3 months pregnant with Boo, and my brother had recently been married to his lovely wife.  We had flown from Texas to Salt Lake City to attend the festivities, and were on our way home.  While waiting at the DFW airport for the shuttle that would take us to our car parked in long term parking, I was not feeling well.  Roon was wrestling with luggage, and I was doing my best to keep an eye on the 3 weary travelers we had accompanying us.  Sissy: Check.  Bug:  In the stroller, check.  Bubble:  OH GROSS!!!  As my eyes settled on Bubble, I was mortified to see that bubble was using alternate senses to confirm that he was in the presence of a cement pole.  The sense of taste.  To this day, I have no idea what possessed him to lick the pole, and I think I would rather it remain a secret known only to him.  I shudder to think that the reason he would do it was because there was gum on it.  Eeeewww!  Perhaps someone double dog dared him?
Fast forward to present day.  I had just finished my "shift" of volunteering at the elementary school where my kids attend.  On these days, I meet my kids, and Baub's kids, and walk to Baub's house to pick up my other kids.  With the new school year, all the necessary teachers were not aware of this arrangement.  I went to meet them, only to find out the Pinkie and the Brain (Baub's kids)  had been released to walk home already.  I was then informed that all the first graders (Bubble) had also been released to walk home as well.  Sissy and I made a mad dash for Baub's house.  We had to get there, grab the other kids, and make it back home before Bubble got to our house.  I reached Baub's house sweaty, winded, and more than a little annoyed that the teachers would send him home when they knew I was at the school. 
Just as I was chugging a glass of water, and Baub was frantically trying to gather everyone, my cell phone rang.  It was Bubble's teacher.  She had Bubble in her classroom, and had actually tried to page me over the loudspeaker to come and speak with her. 
Uh-Oh.  That doesn't sound good.
"I actually wanted to have a meeting with you about Bubble's behavior specifically relating to afternoon dismissal.  He has made some bad choices, and I thought you should be aware of them."
At this point, I'm thinking "please don't let this be something completely humiliating" and I responded with an "Oh no.  What happened?"
"Well, he had problems last week with keeping his hands to himself.  Yesterday he kicked someone (which I later found out was completely benign, in that Bubble was trying to adjust his sitting position, and accidentally kicked the child in front of him), and today...he kissed a girl without her permission.
"Kissed her?" I asked.
"Well, what he says happened was that 'M' had a crumb on her lip, and Bubble licked it to get it off."
Of course he did. 
The only saving grace I had was that this exchange happened over the phone, so his teacher couldn't see me as I turned 3 different shades of red. 
If she didn't already know she was talking to the right person, I would have been very tempted to tell her she had the wrong number. 
Hello, my name is Sami and I have a son that licks things. 
I pray this is just a phase.

What have "other people's" kids done to mortify you lately?


Lourie said...

Oh my goodness! hahahaha. My kids tell wild tales to their teachers. They overshare with company. Little Middle burps on command and has taught her brother the same skill. Just wait til they are teenagers...then YOU get to embarrass THEM! I've already enjoyed mortifying my teen a few times!

Evelyn @ Hanging by a Silver Lining said...

Lick and let lick I say. Hahahaha! What a funny boy, fromt his safe distance says I. :)

Wow! I am so behind today! Or you are so ahead. Nope. I am behind. I'll get that post up SOON! Thanks for joining in! :)

Emmy said...

Lol! Holy cow that is funny. He was just trying to help. Eric has a child that bites her finger and toenails all of the time. Even in church, while wearing a dress.

aubrey said...

Ha ha haha! Like I say, "I really like this guy but his kids..."

CRZN GMA said...

I think I would prefer "Bubble's" antics to finding out that my sons frequently had "sword" fights with their best friend in the bathroom at church! At least the girl thought he was kissing her instead of licking her!

shortmama said...

OMG I just died of laughter! This is my spirit typing to you right now

Myya said...

That is priceless!!! I LOVE IT! I was laughing soooo hard. Hmmm well now at least he can say he was the first in his class to "kiss" a girl... and wowy-zowy a french kiss at that! hee-hee :)

Lisa said...

Hilarious!!! I love it!